Reality Check

2 days ago
7 min read

June 2026

""It [recovery] entails deeply accepting the reality of who and what we are, without judgment and without comparing ourselves to others. It involves being in right relation with ourselves and our Higher Power. It means knowing that we lack all power to change ourselves, and that our Higher Power does not.”

(ABA, pg. 107)

This month's issue Reality Check coincides with the theme of our June workshop: Keeping it Real: from withdrawal to long-term sobriety.

For many of us, arriving in ABA felt like a daunting, insurmountable reality check. We heard the facts of our eating disorder. “In reality, this sense of being in control was an illusion, a mirage, a cruel travesty, for we all knew at some deep level the distressing truth. We were not really in control at all because we had no choice about doing what we did with food and exercise” (ABA, pg. 62).

We had wished to recover without having to stop our most cherished, dependable practices. We tried many half measures, including attempts to curb the bulimia, but not the exercise. We may have wanted to quit starving ourselves, but still hoped to restrict our food.

These vestiges were not just simple wishes- they were feeding the drug of control. The reality check for us was that we had to be willing to let go completely, and with that came the beginning of a withdrawal process. This includes a phase of mourning as we move towards complete surrender in Step 3. Then with each continued step comes more awareness and opportunities to get real. These continued reality checks can be overwhelming because it's not simply a change in our eating and exercise. "It [recovery] entails deeply accepting the reality of who and what we are, without judgment and without comparing ourselves to others. It involves being in right relation with ourselves and our Higher Power. It means knowing that we lack all power to change ourselves, and that our Higher Power does not. The gift of Step 6 has been humility” (ABA, pg. 107).

To continue receiving the grace that makes it possible for us to stay sober, we have a responsibility to be of service. We help ourselves by supporting others who are struggling with the disease. With "the strident chant of obsession reverberating in our minds, there is often no other way to deal with the practical necessity of eating, no other way to get in touch with reality. The voice of another anorexic or bulimic reassures us that we truly need to eat and can have a great calming effect. Listening to this support brings us in contact with the Power that enables us to proceed with our meal and refrain from purging afterwards” (ABA, pg. 153).

This can lead to a powerful spiritual experience and awakening as "we need the help of others to crack open this shell and let the Great Reality in to allow the healing of our minds to begin" (ABA, pg. 158).

perspective looking down at someone's feet standing on a crackled shell floor

As we continue to live this program, we experience a much greater expanse of reality than ever before; we can celebrate our lives. "Now, with sobriety first, it [freedom] became a glorious reality of our present" (ABA, pg. 70).

Please join us on June 14th to acknowledge the realness of our journey. Sign up for the Keeping it Real Workshop in our Upcoming Events Section below.

We look forward to seeing you there!

*Continue reading to see the article below from our Literature Committee- What is withdrawal in ABA?

Personal Reflection: Reality Checks

“...we also need to remember that giving away what we have received is the surest way to keep it, no matter what stage of recovery we have reached” (ABA, pg. 135).

I got sober at 11 p.m. on November 8th, 2024. I had my first sober meal, dinner, with no intention of doing so. I had called an ABA member for help buying groceries so that I could have a sober day tomorrow, after having a day of bingeing and purging despite asking for help at breakfast. I realized I couldn’t get any form of meal support with the food I had in my house; all that was available was diet versions of typical food.

After helping me choose my groceries as I was leaving the store, they asked me if I had eaten dinner. I told them what my day had looked like, and they told me that I needed to eat dinner. I was perplexed.

a handheld grocery basket full of groceries

My best thinking, my best understanding of the situation, was that I needed to not eat until the next day. That if I ate anything, I would go back into the cycle of bingeing and purging. There was no other alternative. They told me what to eat and just that, and to pray on my knees before the meal. Completely terrified, I did what was suggested.

The reality check came from an ABA member when I didn’t expect it.

I had no hope that I would have a sober meal, but I prayed, ate, and went to bed.

I have been sober since that day, and it had nothing to do with my own idea of what the right thing to do was.

Over the next 6 months, I relied heavily on outreach, asking anyone who was willing for help. I did what was suggested. I told my sponsor when I felt the suggestion was wrong, after doing what I was told in that present moment.

Once I had enough time sober and was able, I started offering meal support to newcomers or anyone who was willing to ask me. I wanted to give back for the immense help everyone offered me, and by helping in the ways I could, I received.

The reality check I got with outreach was what the drug of ABA was: Not food, or exercise, or purging, or losing weight, but control. When I provided meal support for others, my thoughts were “they just need to not make the choice, and to let go of any control.” I could let go of perfectionism, I didn’t obsess over the details unlike when I had tried to plate myself.

I get a reality check when a newcomer enters the meeting, and talks about the pain of their current reality. I’m reminded of my own experience before I got sober.

I get a reality check when I am honest - brutally honest, especially with my sponsor, but also with fellows I have gotten to know through the intense level of outreach I needed to do.

I get a reality check when an illusion of control comes up, and I am reminded of my powerlessness. When I hide that illusion of control until my brain tells me I’m no longer sober and may as well dive back in, and instead I call a member and admit what I’m holding onto. Suddenly, my shame is gone, I no longer have a secret, and I want to stay sober still.

In order to get in touch with reality, I need to ask for help, and offer help when I’m well. I cannot see clearly the truth of my situation without fellow ABA members who have come before me.

-Ashley, Ottawa, Canada

“With the strident chant of obsession reverberating in our minds, there is often no other way to deal with the practical necessity of eating, no other way to get in touch with reality. The voice of another anorexic or bulimic reassuring us that we truly need to eat can have a great calming effect. Listening to this support brings us in contact with the Power that enables us to proceed with our meal and refrain from purging afterwards.”

(ABA, pg. 152)

Committee Connections

a cozy seat a pillow, blanket and reading glasses sitting on a open book

Literature: What is withdrawal in ABA?

Many of us experience sensations of “withdrawal” as we get sober. As we stop controlling our body weight and shape and eat soberly one day at a time, we may experience mental and physical sensations for some time as the cravings subside.

Let’s look at what these cravings may feel like and how to get through this phase of recovery.

We often refer to our physical craving as an “allergy”. Once we begin restricting our food, exercising, or bingeing and purging, we experience an overpowering urge to continue doing so.

When we try to stop, we experience a physical compulsion, similar to the withdrawal reaction experienced by other addicts when they stop taking their “drug”. In our “withdrawal” state, the cells of our bodies may seem to vibrate, we crawl out of our skin, pace the floor, tremble, sweat, and cannot sleep…

In addition, as we start to eat regularly again, and for some of us change our physical activity, we can experience uncomfortable physical symptoms including abdominal pains, constipation, bloating, and feelings of extreme hunger or fullness… these are normal sensations in early recovery.

When we experience unbearable sensations, we often want to take action to alleviate them- usually by partaking in an un-sober behaviour! We are powerless at these moments – we don’t remember the suffering caused by our addictive behaviour.

It is vital that we stay close to the program and people in recovery as we get through this rocky period. We begin to understand the slogan “This too shall pass”. At these times we can choose to “pick up a tool” - call another member, pray, go to a meeting, or get in touch with our sponsor…

In addition, we work closely with a dietician and/or a doctor – giving them honest feedback as we go through our recovery journey.

"Anorexia and bulimia and related disorders are serious illnesses with life-threatening manifestations. [...] All matters regarding the treatment of eating disorders, including the resumption of normal eating practices, require medical supervision" (ABA, Preface).